The Legendary Dairy Is Open For Business

Cow pun - Close up of a black and white cow whose markings look like a tuxedo! The cow has a spodge the shape of a tie, is wearing sun glasses and has a yellow party hat on

There are eight cows in our legendary dairy.

They can’t live at a normal dairy with ordinary cows because they have a very unique set of skills.

This gal, she was born cool. She was actually born wearing sunglasses would you believe. This level of cool can’t be taught, it’s churned.

We have a cow that thinks she’s a lawnmower – but she’s only a cow. She just makes some odd noises when she eats grass. She also insists on sleeping in the garage instead of the barn. We’re just glad she doesn’t think she’s a moobility scooter.

One of the herd is convinced she’s a vampire. A vampire I tell you! Grass doesn’t have blood, we tell her, cows are herbivores! But it doesn’t stop her from insisting on wearing a cape and fake teeth. Live your dreams I guess. We had to draw the line when she tried sleeping upside down though.

This cow is always cold, she doesn’t produce milk, but four different flavours of luxury gelato and sorbet – flavours are subject to seasonal availability and diet. Please don’t try this with your cows at home. They should not eat chocolate.

Our most intelligent cow, this one is always calculating an escape.

She’s best friends with our master-of-disguise cow. We will say she’s one of the best at playing hide and seek. A game with her can last days.

We have one cow with a slightly more complex problem than the others. Don’t ask how this happened. All we will say is, never sneeze with your eyes open.

This guy has never quite caught his 40 winks, if you ever need a fence knocking down though – just stand him next to it and sing a lullaby, job’s a good’un. We think it all began when he was in a field next to some sheep. All that counting.

She just can’t, she just can’t, she just can’t control her hooves. Born and raised in a boogie wonderland, she can throw some mean shapes in the field. Slowly grazing is not her thing, when this cow moves around she has to do so in style.

And lastly a bull that is a superhero. He’s no coward. He doesn’t wear pants. (We haven’t told him that cows can’t fly, only pigs can do that). Check out his trendy cowlick though, Superman wishes that he was this cool. And it’s all natural, no gel needed, just good ol’ cow slobber.

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